Friday, February 27, 2009

What's in a Title??????

It seems just yesterday that an angry, rebellious teenager entered college. Calculating the time, it has been two n a half years already. When i stepped in, i was lonely and had no one with me.Till today evening, I never knew I could feel this lonely.First year i got a couple of very good friends, all the while strengthening my bond with those friends who lived so far away... And then, in a flash,Second year brought me new friends...i had a gang. A gang, who never understood what was in my mind, nonetheless made me stay in college a pleasant one. One full of memories, all those failed love affairs of the gang members who would slip into Devdas mode(not me),mentally rape each other by cracking cheap jokes (think am d one who got torchered alot!)...Second year brought some friends closer, and yet we failed to see the inevitable. Dissolved friendships, of people who once were quite close. The gang wasn't broken but shattered,still united we stand, but can felt a division there, never to rise again as a whole, but still managd to go.. And so the story goes...College life made a rebellious teenager ease down life and it's challenges. It made me look up to new challenges in life and seek the tougher ones. It made me search for d meaning of Life. I'm still searches for d meaning, all d while living each day, appreciating the beauty and the monotony of life. I saw the way priorities changed n d things that were once important to me no longer meant anything to me. I masked myself, unmasked people, went mad analyzing complex personalities...College life made me develop some sort of connections and etched new thought systems. I saw visions of what could be and more, flash in front of my eyes...I saw how friendship could be built, broken, rebuilt, weathered and finally washed away. I realized the importance of the eternal variable called truth. I realized that I loved being rash and I loved looking for danger. I learnt how painful and beautiful attachments can be. College life all the more depressed me for living in a non-utopian world. College life made me realize that I was capable of things I never dreamed of... Good and Bad. It made me realize that I am much more than what I am or what I have let myself be.I wanted to see the difference between what I was then, and what I am now. I wanted to remember and appreciate things that were once an integral part of me, to analyze life's ups and downs, to be indebted towards my best friends who always stood by me. I wanted to remember those three girls(?) in my life who moulded me more powerfully than they ever imagined they would. I wanted to rewind d flame of nostalgia and bring back those memories of my oldgood days, d very last proposal and enhanced levels of pain that I want to give up...twisted contexts, made my way around...I admit, I made my mistakes. But I learnt my lessons too...As the saying goes, the higher you are, the harder you fall...my college life up now is one of those few memories that has defined me, redefined me, and re-re-redefined me over time. Lots of memories - some nice, some bad well d end of 2008 brought me unexpected twists in life.. new hopes, new pains and new twisted mindwarps. Made me look ahead and ask myself if I had a clear vision of my future....make me rethink who I am...Not for the first time, and definitely not the last.

2 comments:

Sanju said...

i realli dont know whether i am allowed to comment on this.had it been urblog...i wud hav been more comfortable. wen u asked me to reda that a h=few days bak...i just skimmed thru it. I was not in a gr8 mood to read it bak then. But after having read it again..i cant stop myself from tellin atleast this much.... Life takes its toll out of evryone.. we want good friends but we end up losing more friends than we have gained. With girls and close friends, most of dem realli dont understand how much dey mean to us.... noone seems to care enuf to tell us that thay think we ra jerk or a frend... noone reallli bothers and if some does take time to tell u how u r to them..they r ridiculed... Its not their fault... the basic concepts of being there is slowly but surely disappearing... its now "SWANTHAM KAARYAM ZINDABAD" attitude... we cant fault them.. thats how life is...But even though evrytin said above is true.... it is quite heartening to just have this belief in mind that u can see a ray of hope..a ray that will take u dfarther in the hope of findin the holy grail... the holy grail of friendship and love...
Khuda hafiz...
(i kno i havent made much sense... but still.. i hope u got wut i meant)

SaDaNaNd ArUn said...

ur alwys wlcm n thank u... for seeing what i see and knowing what im going through.